So I got curious on what an "introvert" is. It's not that I don't know the meaning of it - I mean, I have an idea but I got interested on what it's real definition was. I read the meaning of it on About.com. And while I was reading... I got this feeling that it was like... the article was describing me.
Growing up, I guess I was always "shy". I don't have that many friends - because I was afraid of approaching people. I could have counted how many friends I had back then. I was a clutz (although I still am right now) and I got easily flustered when I did something embarrassing in front of a mass of people (and mostly it was inside the classrooms - but I still do get embarrassed easily today). I had a friend online that lived on the other side of the world from where I am. I don't talk that much. And the list goes on on why I was/am shy.
I clicked on "Traits of Introverts" after reading the definition of one. And there was a check list on how you can identify if a person is an introvert. Here's the list (and I'm going to check some of the signs that says I am one):
Social Interaction☐ Has only a few close friends
☑ Does more listening than talking
☐ Talks to family members, but not to strangers
☑ Likes to spend time in own room with the door closed.
☑ Watches a game or activity before joining in
☑ Likes creative or imaginative play (I used to - back then when I was a child)
☑ Does not share feelings easily
☑ Becomes deeply humiliated after making a mistake in public
Here's the thing, why I think I'm an introvert, it's because... sometimes I just like being alone.
There have been a lot of instances lately that when I'm asked if I want to go outside to... just for the sake of going outside, I'd rather choose not to. Although there are times that I'm obligated to go even if I'd much rather read a book inside my room and be alone. Also, during semester breaks or those kinds of holidays (or even during summer), the idea of staying inside the house & watching my fave shows/series or reading a book is more enticing than going out. But if it's with my friends, that may be the only exception. I also don't make that much effort to interact with people during those times (summer and holidays). Sometimes I feel like, for my friends though, it's somewhat offensive or upsetting. Even if it shouldn't be like that.
And when there are visitors in our house, I'd much rather be out of their sights to avoid the small talk, polite smiles, and mostly the proper decorum/niceties/pleasantries.
But... I can not conclude that I really am an "introvert".
I am still afraid of talking in front of crowds - meaning I'm still shy. I have a voice that changes depending on situations and when I do 'public speaking', it gets small. It's like my throat tightens and the more I try, the more it gets smaller. The reason behind it... well, it has something to do with the idea that people are going to judge everything that I say & do - that's why I also stutter a lot - and also the fear that I'm going to say something stupid and that I'll probably embarrass myself again by doing another ridiculous or humiliating thing.
Although, I think it is much easier to say that I am an introvert because I really don't know how to explain to my friends why I don't tell that many stories about myself. I could say my life is just boring but... introvert, it is. :)
Soon enough, Harriet A